Forgiveness and Apologies

An amazingly powerful thing happened for me yesterday. Many of you reading know I have a 14-year-old son. My relationship with his father was never healthy for me. It was emotionally and mentally damaging. A few years ago, I decided to forgive him because I needed to move forward. I could not let any trauma keep me bound. Forgiveness allowed me to focus on my own healing. I needed to heal, not only for me, but for my child. I have never let my relationship with his father determine his relationship with his father. So, I forgave him. I moved on with life. I grew, I prospered, I lived life.

Fast forward to September 5, 2022. I sent my son’s father his new school picture. He admired how much he grew. Then, BOOM! He apologized for everything he’s done to me, admired the woman I had become, and even apologized for some other things. Mind BLOWN! In that moment, I wept. I instantly wept. I did not know how much I “needed” that apology. It instantly gave closure to a section of my life I had long forgotten about.

Forgiveness. I forgave him years ago, but there was a little bit of hurt suppressed. The hurt came from his lack of accountability. I was no longer hurt because of what he did, I was hurt because he didn’t acknowledge it.  I realized it was possible to forgive and still be hurt. I thought forgiveness healed the hurt. It didn’t. It only released me from the anger I felt towards him, the bitterness. I had done the heart work necessary to move on with my life. I addressed my own issues, worked through them, and forgave myself. That was where the healing took place. His apology was just the acknowledgment I needed for that “sense of closure”.

Now, let’s be clear. Apologies don’t always happen. They don’t heal, they make things feel better. Again, they may never come for us. I didn’t expect the apology. Didn’t necessarily want the apology, but the Lord allowed him to give it to me and I’m thankful.

There will be moments in our life where people hurt us. They will damage our hearts, minds, emotions, and sometimes our bodies. It’s not always easy to forgive. It requires a willing heart. Forgiving someone when they lack accountability is even tougher. When you don’t hear an apology, you are left to believe the person doesn’t care how they treated you. They may even feel bad, but that doesn’t mean they apologize for what they did and that hurts. It makes you feel disregarded. How do we move on from that?

It takes the Lord’s strength. The Lord removes the pain, the sting, the hurt. I asked the Lord to bring forgiveness in my heart, remove the anger, but hurt was still there. And you know what? It’s ok to be hurt. You have to move through those feelings. Acknowledge what you feel and why. Feel what you feel, but don’t stay there. It may take months to get through it, even years, but moving through it is necessary.

If you are in a situation that is causing you pain, hurt, anger, or frustration, consider forgiveness. There is power in forgiveness. We know that to be true because God forgives us of all our sins. Jesus paid the ultimate sacrifice and served as atonement for our sins. If God can forgive, so can we. God tosses our sins in the sea of forgetfulness. (Now I’m not saying we do that; forgetting is a whole other topic of discussion). Forgiving the perpetrator frees you from a bitter bondage. It is for you. It is not erasing what they did, it’s releasing you from anger and helping you move forward.

Sometimes they will apologize. Sometimes they won’t. Regardless, YOU are responsible for your healing. No one else has that responsibility, and that’s a tough pill to swallow. It’s easier to place blame on someone else than to deal with our own stuff. Again, dealing with it is necessary.

Forgiveness and apologies. Healing and accountability.  

Thank you, Lord, for the unexpected apology that completely blessed my life.